Sermon Tone Analysis

Welcome

Introduction

Conversation with Tom Howard.

Divorce is PAINFUL.

There are going to be a lot of what about this or what about that kinds of questions.

And almost none of them are easy questions to answer!

If you’re here and you have gone through a divorce.

I want you to hear me clearly: you do not wear a scarlet letter.

You are in a community of people who are in just as much need of God’s grace as you are.

And so as we look at this passage, this is going to break down into two major sections.

We will look at Marriage, as God intends it and then we’ll see Divorce, as God allows it.

And there is a lot of ground to cover here because the bible does have quite a bit to say about this topic.

Let me pray, and then we’ll get started.

Marriage, as God Intends It

We talked about this a lot more last week—God intends for marriage to be the joining of a man and women, together, for good.

We saw this in Genesis 2, but Jesus also affirms the same idea in one of the main passages on this topic, Matthew 19:3-9.

I’ll have it on the screen behind me as we talk through this a bit.

Matthew 19:3–9 (ESV)

3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

6 So they are no longer two but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Let me set the scene a little bit.

Some of the religious leaders approach Jesus with one of the hot topic issues of the day.

And they ask him, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”

And by “lawful” they mean, would God allow this?

And the reason they’re asking that question is because of a passage in the book of Deuteronomy 24 in the Old Testament that said:

The problem here is that this passage is actually pretty vague.

Like what does it mean for a husband to find “…some indecency in her...”?

In Jesus’ day, teachers interpreted this in a lot of different ways.

One group said it meant it was okay if the husband found some sexual impurity in her.

Another group said it could be something as insignificant as burning his dinner…another said it mean it he found someone more beautiful.

And all these ideas are floating around the time of Jesus.

So they’re asking him where he stands in this debate.

And in His response, Jesus talks about Marriage, as God intends it: that it’s one man and one woman who become one new family unit.

They are “one flesh”.

And he ties this all together for the religious leaders by saying, “We shouldn’t break apart the one flesh relationship God has brought together in marriage!”

That right there is what Jesus says the norm for a marriage is supposed to be!

One man, one woman, for life.

This is Marriage, as God intends it.

Jesus Teaching On Marriage

Now, jump back for a moment to 1 Corinthians 7. Look at v. 10 (1 Cor.

7:10-11).

And what we’ll see is that Paul is putting forward the same idea.

You might see that phrase, “Not I, but the Lord”…and what that tells us that Paul is pulling from a specific teaching directly from Jesus.

He’s summarizing the same idea that Jesus put forward in Matthew 19:3-9 that Marriage, as God Intends it is supposed to be for life and not something dissolved.

More than that, he speaks to the idea of remarriage…or what God allows for marriage after a divorce were to take place…which we’re going to spend some more time talking about in a bit.

Transition

But for now, we see that Jesus and Paul are on the same page.

The union of Marriage, as God intends it, is not to be dissolved.

But, I think we know that this get’s a lot more complicated than just the ideal.

Right now, you may be asking a whole bunch of different questions that don’t fit the ideal…maybe you’re thinking through things you saw in your parents marriage…or perhaps your own.

And what you saw, have experienced, or are experiencing is far from the ideal.

What then?

What does Jesus have to say to you?

What does Paul have to say to you?

And how does this whole conversation about Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage relate to you and your situation?

Divorce, as God Allows It

Jump back to Matthew 19—and Jesus with the religious leaders.

We’ve been talking about Marriage as God intends it, but now we’ll see Jesus and Paul shift to discuss Divorce as God allows it.

Matthew 19 again (Matthew 19:3-9).

Jesus has just given them his answer in v. 4-6…that Marriage, as God intends it, is not to be dissolved through divorce.

But this point, the religious leaders think they’ve trapped him—because they go back to that passage in Deuteronomy and say, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and send here away?”

Look at Jesus’ response to them in v. 8 (Matthew 19:8).

He’s quick to point out two things:

First, Jesus points out that Moses did not command them to practice divorce, but allowed them.

And that is not just a play on words.

Jesus is pointing out that there were situations in which divorce, as painful as it is…and though that is not the way God had intended marriage to function…there are allowances for divorce.

He will talk more about that in a moment.

Secondly, and this goes with the first point, Jesus shares that God made these allowances because of their “hardness of heart”.

And in talking about the hardness of heart, he’s talking about the reality that anyone who has has had meaningful interactions with other humans on regular basis is keenly aware of…he is talking about the general brokenness of humanity.

That all of us have issues, baggage, wounding that we carry with us.

And we act, respond, and engage with everyone else around us out of those wounds!

To varying degrees, sure.

But at some point it will come out!

This is what we mean when we talk about sin—it is part of what it means to be human that our brokenness comes to bear on our relationships—often on our closest most intimate relationships.

Jesus is pointing out that God is well aware of our brokenness…He’s well aware of our issues!

And he is well aware that we can do real, lasting harm and damage to those we in closest relationship with.

And while that is not what God intends…it is certainly not what he intends in the marriage relationship…He knows that it is a reality.

Divorce ALLOWED in the case of Adultery

And here is where he makes his fullest, and most direct statement on the topic.

Look at v. 9, (Matthew 19:9)

Author Mark Twain once said:

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

And I think that sums the challenge up really well here.

That Jesus speaks directly enough that, we struggle not to make sense of what he’s said but with the intensity of what he’s just said!

Or why He’s said it!

And, really, I want to be careful here because I know for several of us…we are not talk about theological theory…we are talking about something YOU have experienced…that YOU have gone through and may still very much be processing.

Let’s unpack what Jesus says here, because I think it will help us best understand what he’s actually trying to get across.

Divorce and Remarriage is Adultery

For a moment, let’s take out this little exception clause right in the middle.

That will give us the general principle he’s communicating.

If you do that, the passage sounds like this (Matthew 19:9)

Matthew 19:9 (ESV)

9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife...and marries another, commits adultery.”

Why is he saying that?

Well, think about about what we talked about last week and the sexual intimacy God intends in the marriage relationship.

Jesus alluded to it in this passage too…that the in marriage, what brings a husband and wife together is the sexual intimacy…becoming one flesh.

They are joined.