Becoming: Godly Family
Notes
Transcript
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Marriage - funny
“Can you help me?” - Needing help voice/ talking down/ angry tone/ sexy tone
The secret to a great marriage is to center your marriage on the Gospel
“If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23)
The day we learn that marriage isn’t about what I can get out of it - instead, it’s about doing God’s will & following Him - our marriages will be healthier
Now I’m going to talk to wives & husbands today & I can assure U there’s something here to rub everyone the wrong way - that’s OK
The truth is, I don’t need U to like what I’m going to tell U - I need U to do it
B/c I’m a firm believer if U do the right thing the feelings will follow...
v. 1-2, 1 Peter 3:1-2 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
#1 - We Are Different in our Marriage Roles
#1 - We Are Different in our Marriage Roles
Let me just tell U my position up front - I believe in male leadership The Bible teaches that God calls men to lead in the home While this may some people upset, I promise I didn’t make it up - it’s in the Bible So when I talk about men leading & wives submitting, please withhold throwing anything until you’ve heard exactly what I’m talking about from the Scriptures
I’m going to talk about the Biblical roles of husbands & wives, but I want U to take U back to the beginning so we can begin on solid ground
I’m going to talk about the Biblical roles of husbands & wives, but I want U to take U back to the beginning so we can begin on solid ground
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
God says there was found no “helper” for the man Now before U get thoughts of helper as some kind of assistant, this Hebrew word “helper” (Ezer Kenegdo in Heb.) is most used of God
Behold, God is my helper;
the Lord is the upholder of my life.
Being the helper means U as a wife bring strengths & resources into your marriage that your husband does not possess
Being the helper means U as a wife bring strengths & resources into your marriage that your husband does not possess
Husbands & wives are equal - just b/c God gives husbands leadership doesn’t make them better - it just makes husbands the responsible party
When man fell into sin in the garden, Adam blamed everyone but himself
But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.”
Did U catch it? He’s saying, “God, U brought me this beautiful, naked woman that I couldn’t resist her. I’m just a victim of circumstance here!”
So here’s what God does - He clearly defines the marriage roles
To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,
but he shall rule over you.”
And to Adam he said,
“Because you have listened to the voice of your wife
and have eaten of the tree
of which I commanded you,
‘You shall not eat of it,’
cursed is the ground because of you;
in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.
By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread,
till you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
for you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.”
The point is this - 1 of the reasons couples have conflict is b/c they aren’t understanding each other & operating w/in the roles given to then by God
The point is this - 1 of the reasons couples have conflict is b/c they aren’t understanding each other & operating w/in the roles given to then by God
James 4:1 “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?”
This will and should look differently in each marriage … you aren’t married to me, or Meg … you are married to your spouse … at our house Meg mows the grass, she wants to, likes to, enjoys the 3 hours of quiet w/o a kid asking her to cut their waffles … at our house I often do the grocery shopping … I fix the cars and don’t go to mechanics very often … Meg loves to move furniture around and repurpose things, and throw stuff away
We need to realize we’re different by design - so celebrate that & enjoy it
This does not mean women are to be a doormat for men - just the opposite God is looking to the man to be accountable, responsible, & godly b/c he’s the 1 who is going to give an account to God for his leadership
Women aren’t in subjection to men … this a wife submits to her own husband … honors, submits, and wins him for the Lord … her behavior and attitude are a reflection, and demonstration of her love for the one who cares, protects, sacrifices for her
This is offering for us the picture of healthy relationship
1 Peter 3:3-6 “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”
#2 - Women are called to Godly Submission
When I say submission, let me explain what I don’t mean … this doesn’t mean … do what I say, or walk behind me three feet and to the left … it doesn’t mean the wife doesn’t have an opinion, or that a husband can’t shouldn’t listen to it … it doesn’t mean that wives are 2nd class, or subservient, or can’t wear pants, decide their own clothing, have to keep their wrists covered … and it certainly doesn’t mean that a husband evers gets to be violent, rough, abusive, demeaning … in fact the husband isn’t ever told to make his wife submit, or that godly men should encourage/force/require their submission … submission is a response to the call of Jesus … it is a right response to am I follower of Jesus, then I will choose submission to my husband, I will choose respect and honor, I will choose gentleness and quiet spirit
And also notice that the call isn’t don’t dress beautifully, or fix your hair in an attractive way … it is, don’t let the thing that distinguishes you, sets you apart, & demonstrates to your husband and God Himself be your external beauty and adorning … let it be your character, your godliness, your holiness … do good, and don’t fear … courage, bravery, boldness, generosity … these are the marks of the godly wife
Peter mentions Sarah as an example of submission & godliness
Here’s why that’s important - Sarah was married to Abraham & Abe made some pretty dumb mistakes - but she still submitted - why?
B/c she knew he was accountable to God for his decisions
And Sarah was accountable to God for her submission to Abraham
Submission is not silent agreement on all matters
Instead, submission is literally “sub-mission” - A Christian couple has a mission to glorify God
When a wife submits, she’s submitting to God’s mission
To the degree that couples will take up their cross & follow Jesus is to the degree that they will experience the joy of marriage - Jesus is our model
1st of submission - Jesus submitted to the Father
the garden, the cross … Jesus was even asking if there was a different way … and when there wasn’t he followed, he sumitted, he walked the road
&
2nd of loving sacrificially
the cross is the pic God gives husbands - The bottom line is U can’t look like Jesus w/o sacrifice
Is it going to be painful to your pride to submit to your husband? Yes
The same way that it hurts a husband's wants & desires to sacrificially love his wife the way that God commands him to - that’s what Peter brings up next...
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
#3 - Men are Called to Loving Leadership
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”
God calls men to love their wives like Christ loved the church
How did Christ love the church? He died for the church
Here’s the deal guys - a lot of men love the “Wives submit to your husbands” verse - for many guys, that’s the only verse in the Bible they have memorized
But they make it impossible for their wives to submit b/c of their idiotic decisions
Guys, you’re job is to be like Jesus to your wife - a sacrificial, self-denying kind of leadership - That’s the kind of love being discussed here
Most men are willing to die for their wives, but few are willing to sacrifice for them
gun-toting dude walks in during the night … I’m there … getting out of bed to check that the door is locked, pass
get up everyday and go to work, bring home the bacon, sign me up … skip the Buckeye game for my sister-in-laws wedding, pass
Guess what husband? You’re called to sacrifice for her
When Jesus did on the cross, it was sacrificial love - that’s what it means to lead & to be the head
- it’s not about being in charge
Guys, the women who struggle w/ submission are usually women who have a husband who doesn’t look like Jesus
So what does loving leadership look like?
3 things:
#1 - Godly Decision Making - This means U are actively & seriously seeking God’s will in every decision U make … you’re purposefully making decisions that honor God & are in His will
If your wife knows that you’re praying about the decisions that need to be made & you’re getting godly & wise counsel, she’ll follow U
But if you’re playing video games all day & withdrawing $$ to buy more Xbox memory, she isn’t going to trust U -Why? B/c your decisions are primarily selfish and foolish
The problem I see w/ many men is they aren’t really men, they’re mama’s boys … they want all of the glory, power, freedom … w/o the responsiblity and cost
Guys, God is calling U to step up & lead - & if U can’t get out of bed w/o your wife waking U up, then U don’t have a wife, U have a mom
If U put all the big decisions & responsibility on her, U want a mom, not a wife
Many of us want someone to blame when things don’t go well … just like our father adam … we want to stand quietly beside her, take a bite of the fruit and then blame God for giving us the wife, allowing the snake
1 Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
A godly man sacrifices his wants, desires & dreams for the sake of his family
#2 - Understand Her - Peter says, “Dwell w/ her w/ understanding”
That means U want to have a phd when it comes to understanding your wife
Friends there are lots of jokes out there about women and crazy … they don’t make sense … you don’t have to understand women … you do have to understand your wife … you have to know when she says I don’t want any means, surprise me with a piece of cake … you have to know when her I wish I had someone to rub my feet everyday means, asking her to put those stinky toes on your lap so you can rub them … and hear me …
remember when I told you wives didn’t have to submit to men, just their own husbands … husbands you don’t have to understand women, just your own wife … what speaks love to her, what speaks sacrifice to her … if I mow the grass, it frustrates Meg … if I carry out the trash, she thinks I’m amazing, if I fold laundry she might write a poem … your wife might like gifts, or time, or a letter, or 2 hours by herself, or 2 hours with you
#3 - Servant Hearted Attitude - This is how a man leads, through serving
Guys, if U want your wife to follow your leadership, be a servant
When U get home from work, U feed the kids, get them bathed & put to bed
The reason some wives don’t want to submit is really an issue of trust
They think they’re going to get taken advantage of But I’ve never met a woman who has said, “I couldn’t follow a man who sacrificed for me, lived for Jesus & served me like Christ.” - It’s never happened
This sounds hard & it will stretch U - but this woman is the person U love most in the world - And serving her will bring U unspeakable joy
Too many couples misunderstand what the purpose of marriage is & that’s why they’re unhappy or have unmet expectations
We need to understand that marriage was not created to make us happy - it was created to make us holy
That person you’re married to is the main instrument God is using to sand off your rough edges & make U more like Jesus
If you’re going to have a marriage that lasts a lifetime, then U need to put Jesus at the center of your marriage
Some have the gift of singleness … the bible says it’s true … and so I hope that none who are single this morning are offended, we are just walking the text and that’s where it took us today
But for all of us there is one last point
The Bible gives us a picture of coming to know God that’s a picture of marriage
That’s why marriage is so important - it’s the illustration that God uses to show the relationship we have w/ Him
That’s why if we’re going to have a marriage that’s committed to Jesus, we need our lives to be committed to Jesus
I know that some of U are here & you’re hurting - in fact, what brought U to church today was the fact that your marriage is in trouble
Maybe your marriage has ended & there’s nothing U could do
Maybe your marriage hasn’t turned out the way U hoped & you’re wondering if U married the right person
Maybe there’s no peace in your home & U don’t know how to get it
The Bible calls Jesus the Prince of Peace - that’s who U need to know
He wants to forgive U of your sins
- He wants to heal your marriage
He wants to restore your relationship
- your relationship w/ your heavenly Father 1st & every other relationship will flow out of that
I want to give U an opportunity to come to Jesus & allow Him to forgive U, restore U & change your life
You’ve been searching for anything in this world that can take the pain away, take the guilt away & bring U joy
The answer isn’t in this world - it’s found in a relationship w/ the God of Heaven through His Son who came to earth to love U & forgive U...